Digital Cameras Have Convex Lenses! (3-21-08)

There was a picture of me taken back in ’97 or ’98 that was basically my QMIX mug-shot for about 10 years. It wasn’t a bad picture, considering  I’ve never been the most photogenic person.  Even Glamour Shots said, “why bother dude!
In any event, we were  told to get new pictures taken for the All New, Redesigned from the Ground-up QMIX dot COM.
Sara Beth brought out the digital camera and snapped my picture.
This is the result:
I realize this isn’t me.  The original picture seems to have been deliberately deleted.. Probably by Gremlins.
The, to add insult to injury, I went to Greensburg last week to set up a streaming audio PC for 1330 WTRE (
When I finished I flipped the switch to start the audio stream, Sandy Biddinger (station mgr) told someone to grab the camera to document the occasion.  After sitting there with a stupid smile on my face for 2 minutes I relaxed waiting for the camera to get ready and that was when shutter clicked.  This is the result:
untitled (4)
Of course this isn’t me. It’s an old grumpy dude names Walter. The original picture seems to have been deliberately deleted.. Probably by Gremlins.
In this one I looked like should have  been ice fishing in Minnesota with Jack Lemmon and Walter Mathau.
If I was grumpy when  she snapped the picture, it was because I was tired of sitting with a smile on my face for 2 minutes.
My driver’s license picture is the most hideous of all.
My point is…. Sure I’ve gained a few pounds in the past 10 years, and aged 20 years in the past 10 years (mostly from the sins of my youth), but I know I don’t look that bad.
It must be these digital cameras.  They have anamorphicisly convexly concaved lenses that distort the images.
I’m gonna jump on eBay and try to find a Kodak Brownie Automatic or a Polaroid Swinger and try to get a decent picture.
Then again, I might just go back to this 10 year-old picture.

Ahhhh That’s better.
Death to digital cameras…..

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